The pack

I guess I have always been a lone wolf. Keeping to myself and keeping to folks and things I know. Hell, in some scores I guess I would be an introvert. But I learned the rules of the pack - I learned how to fit in, while being different, I learned to make them accept my difference as something cool and respect me for it. I guess in a way I got good at copying the things I thought would bring me success – in relations, in life and in being a better version of myself. And I read a lot and I studied – whatever caught my interest, I always tried to find out more about it. So, I was a lone wolf, but I knew how to be part of the pack whenever I felt like it. I liked the idea of being alone by choice and I found it hard to understand people who feared being alone.

Then I realised that there is potential. Not really sure if I really ever realised it, or it was just the people around me telling me this quite often. This is the age between 13 and 30. If you are good in something and someone keeps pushing you in that direction until you will become good in it and find yourself doing it and maybe even find the meaning for your life in it.

Well, I wasn’t good in any one specific thing. I wasn’t a specialist and I didn’t really become a specialist in anything particular. Yes, I have skills which I acquired during the years and years of practising my hobbies and interests, but I always enjoyed keeping the wide angle understanding on how things work and the connecting lines between them. 

Actually, I discovered the lines or to be more accurate I was once guided to look for them by my dear godfather. I didn’t really get it, when he said it, but I have always had a good memory, so when the lines did start to appear- the connections and parallel confirmations between whatever I was reading, studying and experiencing… I remembered that he had once been telling me about them. So… The connecting lines, the thin invisible connecting dots, became at some point more interesting to me than the actual or particular knowledge or information at hand.

Well, then I realised that it would be much more difficult to blend in the pack in a wheelchair whenever I wanted to. I could still do it, you know- I still got the charms and I can put on the wise guy mask, but it’s kind of hard to fake not sitting in a wheelchair when you actually have to. So, by now, I am not really trying to blend in anymore. I know that I am sitting in a wheelchair and I know that everyone else who sees me, knows that. 

But then… I have this constant eagerness to prove some form of independency. You know, it’s kind of like a little child proving for the parents that I can do this and that by-myself. And then I am little bit proud of myself when I see other peoples surprise and maybe even a form of admiration (these little joys…) Maybe it’s a natural desire to strive after any form of freedom. And as I am currently more or less chained to my wheelchair – I am trying to make the most out of it. 

But now…I need the pack. I need these other strong, vital and healthy wolves, and I need you- my friends. 

"No ONE is stronger, than ALL of US"