Under the surface

The night is long and endless and despite the eternal light up here in the north, its dark and it is lonely for me. At first it is easier to shake of the pain carefully crawling towards me from every corner of the room. But it won’t leave and it won’t go until it gets its way, until it takes me over. And I don’t want to let go and I can’t give up, but the tons of misery are weighing heavy on my heart and it’s only a miracle that it still remains in its place under all that weight. The hours pass and there is nowhere to hide. No comfort, no safe haven to run to. As I desperately try to hold on to anything good and positive, reminding myself that the sun is always up there in the sky no matter how cloudy it seems to be at the moment. Taking deeper breaths is not enough as every next one seems like the last. Too smart, too brave, too strong and too MAN to ask for help. And who would be the doctor of my soul? Who can feel my misery and understand that nameless sorrow and that nu...